The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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