i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
