so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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