I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
