When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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