my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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