People in love make me want to vomit
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
