chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
