do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
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You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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