i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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