i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
