No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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