I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
