So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
