I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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