She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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