he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
