It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
