I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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