She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My penis needs a shock collar
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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