i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
