dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Sober January is a disaster.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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