I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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