Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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