i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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