Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
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Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
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I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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