i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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