i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
