so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
