I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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