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• (231): View more from Michigan

  i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (510): View more from California

  stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  he asked me to smell his eyeballs.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me

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