he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?