I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
