I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7