He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
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Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.