Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
