I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
