i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
