You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
