so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
