we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I want to have your abortion
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
