On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
