they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
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Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
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DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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