I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
