She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
