i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
