ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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