she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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