The maid of honor just puked.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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