My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
