i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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