im drinking this country out of the recession.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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