Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
