We're facebook friends in real life
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
