U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
