That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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