we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
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I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
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Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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