In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
