I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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