Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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