While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
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Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
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Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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