Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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