im drinking this country out of the recession.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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