He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
