I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
As shirtless as possible
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
