I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
