I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
