It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
