Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
