I wish I could teleport
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
