You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
