Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
